): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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