you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
