Pappa wants mamma naked
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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