I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
