I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I wish you could order shots online.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm at about main and main street
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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