he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
