so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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