I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I'm always down for nudity.
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