After last night, I could never be a politician.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Someone shit on the floor
i just google imaged poop.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
