New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Randomize
