Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I puked a lego.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
