you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
