i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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