we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I love you. Go after that dick
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
