Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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