dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
