you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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