If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
