just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize