Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
