I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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