dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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