nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
