What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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