I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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