After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
