He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
