this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
