Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
