woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
