i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize