So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
