Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
