I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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