just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
