Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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