Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
