Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
