HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize