I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
