How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Randomize
