This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Randomize