you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
