He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
