Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
