just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
