Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Randomize
