Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize