i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Randomize
