6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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