She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
