VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
