in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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