bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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