My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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