i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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