I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
