There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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