i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize