I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
