tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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