Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
