Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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