theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
