Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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