He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize
