just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
