Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize