Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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