I could make wine with my vomit
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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