You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
