You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
