Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
